Chloe starts Merit her new school in 11 days. It’s a school with 38 students for children with physical or mental health issues. I filled in all the paperwork today and she has had a second look around the school and met some of the pupils. Two of them said they can’t wait for her to start. They think she is cute because she is so tiny and one said they loved her style as she dresses all in a style of her own which is brilliant. Meeting the staff and pupils has made me so much more confident in sending her there. Her being out of education for the last 3 months has been hard work and it will do us both good for her to go back to school. She has a full occupational therapy assessment next week to find out what her struggles are and she is being referred back to physiotherapy for some help with her core muscle tone and pain. I have a feeling she is going to continue keeping me busy for a while yet either her gastroenterologist appointments on top of all this.
Lewis has been away on his first residential trip since Tuesday from the pictures it looks like he is having a fantastic time. I can’t wait to have him back on Friday evening I have missed my squishes with him that’s for sure. Elliot has been put today to buy some Valentines gifts for his girlfriend which is really sweet. His card is lovely, he is growing up way to fast and is now taller than me. He will be 14 in April and I still feel 20 so it doesn’t make sense to me.

There have been times in the last few months where I have really doubted my parenting because of what has happened with Chloe, I feel like I sent her into the lion’s den when I sent her to a mainstream high school. Between her being Transgender and all of her health issues I did think it probably wouldn’t work put for her there, but I never thought it would fall apart so badly and so fast. I have tried everything to help her for years and have been turned away so many times by people saying they can’t help her or she doesn’t fit their criteria (must be my least favourite excuse). Now I have an army of professionals helping and I couldn’t be more grateful and to hear them say over and over why wasn’t she helped before, that she should never have been allowed to go to a mainstream high school and that they can see how hard I tried eases my worries a little.
So, I have looked at it this way

I am the mother I am,
I can’t be anything more
I have loved them, fought for them
I have knocked on every door.
I can’t be a superhero
I can always do my best
There are times I need help
And times I need a rest
There is no shame in not coping
No shame in needing to cry
I have never given up
Just harder I try.
Even if they never know
All the time and energy and feeling lost
To get them the best I can get
It was always worth the cost.